A little envelope fell out of one of my journals the other day. The note had arrived a year ago, almost exactly. It was from family friend who had also been a nurse that helped deliver babies for decades. She had been at most of our kids’ births by my request. An older Dutch woman who just loved the process of birth and loved babies. She always took such good care of us and our little ones while we were at the hospital, making sure that, even though I had c-sections, the other parts of the births were as natural as possible. Her note was one of comfort at the loss of our first grandson, Isaac. There was one line that still stands out to me, “If only He can comfort us, we are rich indeed.”
There are certain places of pain and grief that only God can go with us. But if we have Him and Him alone, it is enough. I needed to read those words again. But for other reasons.
As moms we care very deeply for our children. As women I believe we are born with a natural desire for good relationships. I don’t want resentment, ill-feelings, bitterness, or any other negative issues in my relationships and I work very hard to make sure that doesn’t happen. But God has been showing me something: sometimes I care too much. I’ve heard people say that before and wondered how that was possible. But it is.
Over the years when I have encountered strife in a relationship, it affected me deeply. It’s all I could think about. I would lose sleep and often was somewhat incapacitated. It caused me to react strongly, say things I shouldn’t, not say things I should and not always seek to understand before being understood. It still happens. While experiencing this recently, I made a point of continuing to bring the whole thing to the Lord and He opened my eyes to see how very fearful I was. Terrified, in fact. I fear losing relationships so much, especially those close to me, that I will often over react and desperately try to get to a resolve as soon as possible.
But this is the nature of relationships: they involve imperfect people in imperfect circumstances. And often, time is the best remedy for healing. The problem is that if I am swirling in fear, I am not patient. I am not trusting. My emotions are a tangled mess. I am not waiting on God to reveal HIS truth to me AND to the others involved. But it’s different when He is our only comforter. When we ask HIM to fill that hole that we thought could only be filled by a repaired relationship. He is not only able, but willing. The richness of His presence becomes more than enough consolation. And suddenly our hearts are more at peace in the midst of troubled circumstances and strained relationships. We are freed to see things more clearly, to see them with HIS eyes. And we begin KNOW the truth of those words, “If only He can comfort us, we are rich indeed.”