Let me start out by saying that I love my husband. I love that I get to be home with my children. I feel privileged to home school them and to have done so for the last 18 years. But as I get older, there are more days that I feel tired, worn and wondering if I will be able to “finish well”.
We have wonderful adult children and their spouses who love the Lord and we are so thankful for that. But I still get concerned about their health, safety, and their future. I sometimes wonder what trials they will face and I pray constantly that their walks with God will continue to grow, that the Enemy will not get a foothold. The Enemy is on the prowl, seeking whom he would destroy. I have thoughts of receiving a phone call that one of them has been in accident or received bad news that will change their lives forever.
I also think about the younger ones who are still at home. The teens who are just coming into their own, making decisions that will affect their future. Will they be prepared enough? Specifically, will they be provided with enough opportunities to prepare them for the purposes that God has for them? Will they be able to hear God’s voice and direction? Will I do a good enough job providing an adequate education? And most of all, will they continue in their commitment to follow Jesus? Do we make Christ attractive in our home? Do we direct them to the Word enough?
And the last two kids who are not yet teens…are we protecting them as well as we did the older ones, from being exposed to things they are not yet ready for? Will I be able to home school for 10 more years…well into my 50’s, and still have the motivation to make learning as exciting for them as the others?
Then there is the off and on tug of war with the teens. Not a bad thing. Actually a very natural thing. We walk with them through the last season of life under our wings before they face this big, scary world. They have to learn to make decisions, but sometimes we have to make the best decision FOR them…even when they don’t like it. Even when they think we are “ruining their lives”, we are “dream squashers”and “out of touch”.
And don’t forget the emotional ups and downs that start with tweens. They come with that “heads up” that the teen years are quickly approaching…and you wonder what surprises await you with that particular kid. Because you know…it’s going to stretch you. Without. A. Doubt.
And all of this is intermingled with stages of awkwardness that include goofy humor that makes you moan and hope for much improvement before they leave home. The wrestling, the noise, the sibling rivalry and conflict. It’s mixed with seasons of our own hormones fluctuating more violently as we exit the child bearing years. It can be a sure recipe for fireworks at any given moment.
Yes, all these questions swim around in my mind and heart and can bring fear and trepidation. We know from what God says in His Word, that fear will be something that we, as women, will struggle with. Hopefully the older we get, the more clearly we can see what is really important. The more clearly we see that we cannot Do. Anything. Without. Him. And feeling tired reminds us of that.
But today, I watched the snow falling quietly outside and I listened to our 9 year old read out loud to me while he sat on my lap. I cozied my feet up to the fire and drank in this moment with our youngest, knowing that he represents the last of our children that I will have the privilege of teaching to read. There will be grandchildren and I can hardly wait for that, but day to day investment into our sons and daughters at home is fleeting at best. Some days it feels like it will never be over, but now I know that isn’t true because I have some who have left. This time will be gone like a vapor and I will never get it back. But it’s ok. God made it that way.
The truth is that I am not enough. I have never nor will I ever be enough. That’s not really important. What’s important is that HE is enough. And that is why it is crucial that we take ALL of our concerns to Him and ask for Him to do His work in and through them. We ask Him for eyes to see what is really important. We learn to listen to that still, small voice and He bears our burdens for us.
Moms, the investment you make into your family is crucial. More than that it is ETERNAL. You are a huge part of shaping the next generation. And only HE can show you what that looks like for YOUR family. So let your prayer life be abundant. Let your mind be renewed by the Word. Resist the temptation to let other things get in the way of your dependence on God and be authentic with your children. We have no idea what the days ahead will bring, but you play a vital role in bringing a real, loving, sovereign and powerful God to your children. Love your husband. Rest in Him, be faithful and keep your hand to the plow.